A mile to the graveyard

"My only love sprung from my only hate"
What happens when someone says that to you?

What happens when you walk a mile at 4 o'clock in the morning to sit on a grave in the middle of nowhere watching a serene lake wishing it wasn't so, smiling and wanting it to end right there, right then.

Its when you are charged up emotionally, so much so that you could move a grain of sand without ever touching it or summon a ghost and make him torture you and know, that there is nothing in the wide world which wont hurt you badly enough to make the pain go away.

The midnight widgets creak and groan and you think and smile at the tiniest of things knowing that its the beauty which warns you. It might fade away, might simply vanish right in front of your very own eyes leaving you spellbound, wondering right when you thought you knew it all, how could someone visibly similar make something presumably unmovable, disappear?!

Amazement is just a part of the game really, when you think about how someone would make fun of the thing they have and not give a damn about, saying it doesn't matter when the very thing can mean the whole world of happiness to you?

Weird part is when you are so used to it, you start taking it for granted so much so that the best thing that could ever happen to you can easily turn into a big dud. Simply because you thought it would end up like the rest, no one told you its different this time and you ignored your inner voice as you never knew if it was the real thing.

Then the next morning someone tells you about your madness and you realize what you did, you criticize yourself maybe feel ashamed a little, guilt overpowering your existence, you feel like undoing it all over again and you stop. Just for a moment, and you realize its your true you that you can not ever accept. Average sized life for a person wanting to fly high. An average existence to contend with.

You wonder why they all drilled it so deep inside you that you wanted to give your folks a big and much deserved vacation.. even the advertisements on the darned TV wont spare you. You were wrong when you said I want to give them the best, for wife, kids & siblings.. want them to do everything you could not and not have a grain of thought in your mind thinking was that too much? Now was that? when you are bought from your superfluous imagination to a reality bogged down by mediocrity. How can you be happy?