Invictus (latin for unconquerable)

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
—
William Earnest Henley

Flawed desire

A man's ego is the primary source of anger leading to incredible foolishness. It basically arises from his innate desire to impress the people he loves and wants. Strangely, this rule doesn't apply, atleast not uniformly, to the things he needs and achieves. Its the reason why he loses interest in what he already has and constantly thinks of acquiring. The process of wooing is only limited till the time his lust is satisfied. Once fulfilled, the willingness to tolerate irritation fades away like ripples in a pond.

Ignoring the needs of an ego results in anger, leading to poor choice of actions and terrible judgements. Anger fades away, but the resultant hurt remains and hatred is a subtle form of violence, malicious by nature. The ability of a man to deal reasonably well in such a situation, is what defines his character.

Learning from the mirror

Met a person like me yesterday. The chance encounter was so stunning, have started disliking myself. Its a wonder how so many people liked me at all in the first place and grew close, it must have been their tolerance a lot more than my acceptability. I wouldn't have tolerated myself one single bit. A factual observation with no attached emotion, the encounter made me realize the age old flaws I have fostered. And they are numerous, but at the very least its a start, however late.

Things to do, based on and to balance out, my own excesses.

1. Do not talk. If you must, get to the point.

2. Every one has a level of tolerance, so don't push it.

3. Do not fantasize, it only leads to realization of ones deep rooted fears.

4. Harbouring expectations is tantamount to being selfish.

5. Be thankful for what you presently have, what you have been through is nothing more than what everyone else has undergone.

6. Remember always that you had made the choices which have put you in your current situation, even if they were made under compulsions. If you must, then blame yourself.

7. Do not compare or compete with anyone under any circumstance. There is neither any equality nor any platform to do so fairly.

8. Health is really important. Loneliness is no reason to seek illness. If you give attention to your own self with a sustained conscious effort, you will eventually learn to be comfortable being by yourself.

9. As hurtful as it may seem to a bloated ego, you simply aren't important. Life goes on just fine without you being a part of it. So understand that you are the needy one.

10. Usually, some kind of a need(presumed or real) dictates how we behave and act. So don't go around judging people for what they have or haven't done. Its always easy to second guess a past gone by from the comforts of the present.

Life teaches different things to different people and hence everyone's purpose of living differs. You have to find your own reason to live and do something. Knowledge is of no significance if it isn't used in some way or the other.

Getting ahead of oneself

How do you stop the mind from conscious thought of something in particular? The moment you task yourself with not thinking about something, the mind starts wandering over to the very thing you don't want it to go to. It leads to trouble popularly called anxiety and drives one away from a peaceful, satisfactory and a happy existence.

One way to stop this from happening is to replace it with something else altogether. Since one cannot stop the process of thinking in itself and the thoughts which occur are not in our control, the easiest thing to do is to try and consciously substitute the ones you don't want with the ones you do. Its not as difficult as it may initially appear but needs constant mindful attention and practice. Its just like purposeful day dreaming or wishful thinking. Hopefully, once the habit is cultivated, it shouldn't require any conscious efforts. If I say - elephant, get in the habit of thinking about a meteor.

As the "double slit experiment" has proven the age old theory of mind over matter, the exercise to reinforce oneself with consciously positive thoughts should provide an added benefit of fulfilling ones desires.

Its not as easy as it appears though, specially when in a rut. The frog doesn't usually think of a world beyond the walls of a well because its vision is restricted to the tunnel formed above, but that doesn't mean there's no world beyond it. Similarly, our lack of knowledge shouldn't stop us from thinking beyond the limits of our perception. The first thing to do when realization of being in a grave dawns, is to stop digging.