Take and Give

Read this about balance in relationships in an email, thought it would be nice to post. The title is a purposeful twist.


Relationships can become out of balance and one-sided if we don’t occasionally check in with each other.

One of the most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship is the give and take of energy that occurs between two people. In the best-case scenario, both people share the talking and listening, and the giving and receiving of support, equally. Occasionally, within any relationship, the balance shifts and one person needs to listen more, or give more. Generally, over a long period of time, even this exception will take on a balanced rhythm; we all go through times when we take more and times when we give more.

However, there are also relationships in which the balance has always felt one-sided. You may have a friend whom you like, but you have begun to notice that the conversation is always about their life and their problems and never about yours. You may also have a friend who seems to require an inordinate amount of support from you but who is unable or unwilling to give much in return. Over time, these relationships can be draining and unsatisfying. One option is simply to end the relationship, or let it fade out naturally. Another option is to communicate to your friend that you would like to create a more equal balance in which your concerns also get some airtime. They may be taken aback at first, but if they are able to hear you, your friendship will become that much more sincere. They may even thank you for revealing a pattern that is probably sabotaging more than one relationship in their life.

A third option is to simply accept the relationship as it is. There are many one-sided relationships that actually work. One example of this is a mentor relationship in which you are learning from someone. Another example is a relationship in which you are helping someone who is sick, disabled, or otherwise needy. In these instances, you can simply be grateful that you are able to help and be helped, trusting that the balance of give and take will even out in the big picture of your life.

Greed and Giving

Came across this in my email, simple and powerful stuff.

A holy man was having aconversation with God one day and said,
'God , I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

God led the holy man to two doors.

He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.

In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of
the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made
the holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They
appeared to be famished.

They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to
their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew
and take a spoonful.

But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get
the spoons back into their mouths.

The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

God said, 'You have seen Hell.'

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the
same as the first one.

There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made
the holy man's mouth water.

The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here
the people were well nourished, laughing and talking. The
holy man said, 'I don't understand..'

'It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill.
You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think
only of themselves.'

Kabhi kabhi

Do not wish to violate this by talking or expressing.

कभी कभी मेरे दिल मैं ख्याल आता हैं
कि ज़िंदगी तेरी जुल्फों कि नर्म छांव मैं गुजरने पाती
तो शादाब हो भी सकती थी।
यह रंज-ओ-ग़म कि सियाही जो दिल पे छाई हैं
तेरी नज़र कि शुओं मैं खो भी सकती थी।
मगर यह हो न सका और अब ये आलम हैं
कि तू नहीं, तेरा ग़म तेरी जुस्तजू भी नहीं।
गुज़र रही हैं कुछ इस तरह ज़िंदगी जैसे,
इससे किसी के सहारे कि आरझु भी नहीं.
न कोई राह, न मंजिल, न रौशनी का सुराग
भटक रहीं है अंधेरों मैं ज़िंदगी मेरी.
इन्ही अंधेरों मैं रह जाऊँगा कभी खो कर
मैं जानता हूँ मेरी हम-नफस, मगर यूंही
कभी कभी मेरे दिल मैं ख्याल आता है.
***
शादाब /Shadab=fresh,delightful
रंज/Ranj=distress,grief
जुस्तजू /Justjoo=desire
हम-नफस/Hum-nafas=companion,friend